By Latoyah Walker | @llatoyah
Motivating young women to become the best version of themselves and realising their self worth after a breakup.
Girls, it’s time to pick ourselves back up and remember who we are.
People often underestimate how much breakups can hurt and the effect it has on your life. You go from sharing everything with your partner to only having yourself. But girl, trust me when I say time is your best friend!
A positive mindset
After recently going through a tough breakup myself, I’m more than aware of the feelings of emptiness and confusion. I felt like I had just lost my right arm, I lost all motivation and it became so difficult for me to even just get out of bed and continue with daily activities. My self-esteem was very low and I began to see that I had been putting more into the relationship than into myself.. It took me a while to realise just what an awful mindset to have this is.
I couldn’t just sit around dwelling on the situation as my mental health would only get worse, so I decided to do something about it and become the best version of myself. But what does being the best version of yourself even mean? I spoke to three young women to find out.
“It felt like I had just lost my right arm”
Is 18 and had experienced a bad break up that left her shaken. “It felt like there’s a gap in my life that’s empty”, she explains. However, time is a big part of the healing process. “Eventually over time the gap became smaller until I didn’t feel anything anymore and I’ve moved on.”
Friends and family
When was the last time you spent some good quality time with the people you love? For Chloe, friends and family were key to getting over a breakup. “Definitely talk about it, spend more time with your mates and family around you.”, she advises. I couldn’t agree more. Go to the cinema , dress up and go for a nice meal or even just a walk, meet new people and get out of your comfort zone! Do not allow this breakup to have your life on hold because honestly you will regret it so have fun and just enjoy life. Enjoy expanding your social circle without an agenda, building a network of people can bring out different aspects of your personality, you’re only young once so live life to the fullest whilst you can. This helped Chloe stay positive and ensured her that the pain will go away
Experienced a breakup aged 19. ‘I was already going through some stuff with my mental health and then that just threw me’ She said the people she surrounded herself with contributed to her happiness as it helped to have people who are showing you, you deserve more. Family and friends can feel like an escape from all your personal problems but also will be the best support system you could possibly ask for as they will tell you the truth even if it hurts and be there to wipe your tears. Talini shared that for her next relationship she would stick to her instincts and trust herself and focus on her fitness, as it became a great way to release overwhelming feelings of sadness, anger and resentment and now feels as though she has fully healed and can now see herself getting into something new.
What is something you’ve always wanted to do but never had the chance? Well now’s the time to do it, no more excuses, set those goals and keep working on it till you get to where you want to be whether that’s chasing your degree, getting that dream job or just little things you want to accomplish.
“I was already going through some stuff with my mental health then this just threw me”
For me becoming the best version of myself is about knowing my self worth, becoming more independent and having confidence that comes from within. I stopped looking at the breakup as though it was the end of the world and instead looked at it as a new journey. I began getting to know the new me and learning new things about myself.
Unfortunately you can’t change the past and there’s just some situations you can’t control, what we can change is the way we let certain things affect us. Learn to keep going even when you fail, lose the ones you thought would be there or get denied opportunities in life. Time doesn’t stop for anybody,take that step and stop sleeping on yourself..you’re that girl. It’s always good to try to see the positive as everything happens for a reason and we all have a path meant for us. Talani explained how she changed her focus completely by zoning into getting her grades up and getting fit’ .
After speaking with Emily about her recent breakup she mentioned one of the things that helped her get through it was telling herself that ‘everyone comes into your life for different reasons and if they leave, you just have to try and find the lesson they left you with’ then moving onto saying how she still has days where she misses the relationship quite a lot but most of the time is quite happy in her own company.
Filling the void
Majority of the time after breakups we tend to rush into another relationship to try fill a void but this will only ever bring temporary happiness which will leave you vulnerable to toxicity as you’ll go with anyone if it means distracting you from yourself. First things first we need to allow ourselves to heal mentally and spiritually, let yourself cry.. Allow yourself 10 minutes of the day to just grieve before reminding yourself you’re that girl, you’re strong and you don’t need anybody but yourself!
Start falling in love with yourself, ditch the toxic mindset of thinking you always have to be with somebody else to feel loved. You must love yourself before you can love anybody else .It breaks my heart to know that 70% of females do not feel good enough compared to other girls in terms of body image academic success and other factors which is usually put down to not having a good strong female role model to look up to when growing up so if you happen to fall into this category now is that time to really create yourself spend time with yourself discover what you like, for example the gym i’ve noticed has really boosted my confidence not just physically but also mentally.. The more I work out and eat well the more I start to like myself and prioritise my needs rather than being concerned about others. If you’re feeling sad, get up, put on a cute gym outfit and head to the gym because I can assure you that by the end of your workout you will feel more relaxed, positive and you will feel an enormous sense of wellbeing. Often when you’re in a relationship it takes a lot of time, effort and even patience to make it work so you tend to lose time to focus on fitness then when a breakup happens you feel helpless but the gym can be really beneficial.
You’ll begin to feel how beneficial being alone for a while is, taking time off from relationships, finding out who you are and what you want out of life, learning to love yourself, growing, learning to be content and happy without needing someone.
Cherish your time being single, because in a week or a lifetime of being alone you may only get one moment when you’re not tied up in a relationship with nobody, one moment when you stand on your own.
Always remember that you are the main character of your life, live your life for yourself and nobody else so go after what you want and never look back.